This week has been one that has torn me apart and then scotch taped me back together in separate parts. I have had a lot of swings and things that I’d rather not even remember. But of course, I need to write about them as it’s cathartic to me. Even if nobody else reads them, I need it out of my system.
Tuesday started as a regular day at work. I got in and started working through my flow and doing my thing. All of a sudden, around 11, my eyes started crossing. I began to see 4 of everything. No matter what I did, I could not focus on anything. I tried to send a message to my boss saying I had to go lay down as well as panicked and messaged my sister telling her what was happening to me. Both of these messages ended up gibberish, as I couldn’t see what I was saying, nor could I think. Somehow, I made it into the wellness room at work, (a breastfeeding room which I use to stretch my back daily). I lied down on the couch and passed out. I was dead to the world for an hour. I woke up still dizzy and floppy-like with only seeing 3 of everything. I went out to my car and sat there for a while to try and get situated. Eventually my eyes cleared up and I could go back to work.
My boss, knowing me very well after 5 years, grabbed me and pulled me into the office. I was sure I was going to get fired. Instead he was very worried about me and wondered what had happened. As I told him, we both kind of realized that it was time for me to not work anymore. What would have happened if this episode, whatever it was, had happened while I was driving? What if I couldn’t have made it to the wellness room in time and passed out on the floor? It was a very dangerous situation and not something that I can be doing at work. So, yesterday, we met again and set up a last day for me and I tendered my official resignation. My last day will be in 3 weeks. This is an extremely difficult thing for me to do. As terrified as I was of coming back (partly because of fear of this type of thing), it’s been my home for 5 years. I’ve made friends here and gotten close to a lot of people. You get close to people you spend 8 hours with, no matter what you do. I truly love and care about those I work with. There are so many things I’ll miss doing at work that I thoroughly enjoy on a daily basis. It’s going to be a very hard transition for me to go from working my butt off at work, to working my butt off at home doing…..something. I’ll have to keep myself busy somehow or I’ll go stir crazy, but it’s still a very terrifying prospect.
The other thing that made this week hell was that I got more shots in my neck. We are on the way to do an ablation (where you burn the nerves) in my neck. Insurance requires 3 nerve blocks to be sure it works I guess. So I got 4 shots in my neck on Tuesday. Thankfully, I asked for two washcloths to hold on to and squeeze when the pain got too much. I was also assertive enough to ask for double the sedation, as the previous amounts weren’t enough to keep me from panicking. This one, while painful, wasn’t NEAR as bad as the cortisone shots though. THANK GOODNESS. I couldn’t have handled the electricity going down my arm like before on a week like this.
Well this looks like a long enough and boring enough update, so I’ll leave it here. April 19th, here I come. I’m conflicted on being happy or sad about you, that’s for sure.