I’m having one of those days where I feel like I can’t do this. Not that I have a choice, but I’m really questioning my strength and ability to push through this.
My impulsivity has been super bad. I’ve gotten help from therapy on shopping impusively and have been doing well at it, even if not perfectly. But other impulsive behaviors are still there. I keep saying things without thinking. I wanted a bed frame that was the first one I saw that I liked.
I am wondering if I can do this work thing. I feel like it’s a major part of my mood dropping. I want to be able to work, but my back pain turns intense. This makes me miserable and makes me droop in pain. I can’t handle being in pain all the time, it’s almost unbearable.
Then I feel completely guilty for feeling not good enough to work. People work through so much more than I deal with. Yet here I am. I don’t know if it’s the best thing for me and I can mentally and physically do it. But I can’t fail. I have to work, have to.
I hate these moods. Even Connor knows something is up. He pointed out that we were doing wonderfully and then things went downhill really quickly over the last few days.
Sigh. I hate this.